Writing and sharing my thoughts through this magazine has caused me to revert back to old themes around self-worth and value. I’ve struggled through some immense feelings, with thoughts like, Who am I to put this information out into the world? and What the hell am I doing?

All of it brings me back to questioning myself and my inherent worth.

I keep pushing through, though, because I know that’s not really me speaking to myself. That’s years of conditioning that taught me to question, diminish, and doubt my own value.

Have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to love ourselves unconditionally? Why can’t we be our biggest cheerleaders? I’ve been working on unconditional love for myself for 10 years now, and still, to this day, I struggle with it. Everyone has their own story that helps explain why we are the way we are. I want to share mine.

Growing up, I was taught right from wrong through religion.

In early 2025, I lost my job. II was in the middle of a divorce. Most of my community and friendships disappeared. And I had just signed a mortgage for my very first home.

Everything I thought was stable suddenly wasn't.

The early months of unemployment were dark. The darkest I've ever lived through.

As little girls, many of us are taught NOT to listen to our bodies.

When you grow up in a high-demand religion centered around phrases like "Praise to the Man," those messages become ingrained from the time you're barely old enough to speak. By 18 months old, we were already learning them through one of the most powerful forms of conditioning that exists: music. We sang a song of jubilee that we were stars shining brightly for all the world to see - but ONLY if we do and say happy things all day.

We learned to ignore our emotions. Be happy. Be pleasing. Make life easier for everyone around you. Deny what your body is telling you for the comfort of others. That wasn't just encouraged—it was celebrated. It was the goal.

Be.

Perfectly.

Happy.